Growing up means:

This summer, after a series of events, I have realized what growing up actually means. 

Growing up means paying for the gas in your car with your own money.

Growing up means paying for just about everything with your own money.

Growing up means making your own eye appointments.

Growing up means going to the doctors office by yourself, even though you're terrified of them.

Growing up means getting ready for college with little to none of your parents help. (i.e. calling them, packing, making lists, being on top of everything)

Growing up means acting like you have your shit together for your younger brother.

Growing up means doing most of everything for yourself

Growing up means not having your parents' hand to hold anymore.

Growing up means getting a job

Growing up means budgeting

Growing up means leaving

Growing up means productiveness

Growing up means admitting to your mistakes

Growing up means using your own mind instead of relying on someone else's opinion

Growing up means looking at the hard things and realizing that you're actually ok. 

Growing up means that you can actually do it.

Growing up means you are your own person.

That's what I've learned this summer. 

Everything Happens For a Reason.

So college has started for all of my fellow senior friends out there. I, though still have 30 days, 23 hours, 48 minutes and 44 seconds...43... 42...41.. anyway.
I've recently been finding myself to be impeccably bored and lonely this past week. Yes, I have my lovely boyfriend by my side for all this, since he is also going to the same college as me. We get to be bored and lonesome together for another month.
Even though I have him, things seem to be way harder than they were even a week ago. Seeing all of my old friends go to college and I didn't get to say goodbye, things at home are a little harder yet better than it has been, my jaw hurts, I broke a nail, this stupid bump on my nose wont go away, I got one of my first zits, the list goes on forever!!!
I never used to be this paranoid about all the little things happening in my life. Its a very recent thing. I'm not really sure why I've suddenly been giving into all the physical problems I've been having. Is it because I'm scared? I think so. But why?! What could I possibly be scared of? I know deep down that everything is will be fine! Everything is taken care of. Everything happens for a reason. I strongly believe that.
So why am I worrying? The more I worry, the worse I feel physically. It doesn't do me any good. I need to let the universe carry this one out for me. I need to stop relying only on myself. I can't be the one to fix everything. Some things just heal on their own.

It's strange, because I know all of this. I know what I'm doing wrong, and yet, I can't seem to follow my own advice. I can't seem to shake the feeling that everything is falling to pieces, even though everything is in its right place.
Everything is in its right place.
Everything is fine.
I need to keep telling myself that.

I hope this month flies by fast. I need a new beginning.

Grimy Conceptions.

Dear whoever's reading this,

     To be honst, I really wish I could tell you that these bananas have some special meaning behind them, like a reason why they're blue, green, slimy and cartooned.

 I guess I could B.S. something about how we are just living in a dull world and that our reality is a pretend conception of whatever we want it to be, weither it be slimy and gross or colorful and happy. Yeah.. I think I'll go with that. 

But in reality I just needed to get some problems off my mind, so I conjured this up. I really do enjoy this photo though. I've always liked these kinds of pictures where the subject is a cartoon while everything else is real.

I wish I could do a whole portfolio of this kind of thing. 

Hmm.... 

So many ideas now.

In the beginning...

Dear whoever is reading this,
I guess I should tell you a bit about me, like my favorite color or something. I like lavender.
I also really like the color of the sunrise at the Chicago airport. It's a vibrant pink.
I (try to) do a lot of art since I'm trying to go to school to be an art major next year.
My dream was to go to Tisch school of art at NYU. But my heart lies on the west coast now.
My other dream is to be a famous artist. But common, when is that going to happen?

So for now I am going to take you with me on my lovely artistic life journey until the day comes that I do become a famous fashion photographer/artist/singer/writer/musician/actor/queen of the world.
(There will be A LOT of pictures and doodles involved in this blog most likely)

Coming from all directions..

Dear whoever is reading this,

I would really like to redo this picture. A few people said I should change the color. Although, in a way it totally goes along with how I'm feeling right now. Everything is is just coming at me from all different directions at the moment. School, college, friendships, relationships, it's all a little too much. But somehow I'm pushing through it this time. I'm honestly very surprised I haven't exploded yet... or quit entirely.